For those of you just tuning in...you didn't miss much. I am currently on vacation in San Diego and wishing time would slow down. It's crazy how being removed from your life gives you a different outlook on the world around you. I am almost 30 and I'm still growing up. I know that's the case for most people but as my blog suggests, I am a late bloomer. I'm still learning how to love myself exactly as I am, seeking to make changes only if and when I'm unhappy. I'm still unsure of where I want to go in my life. I've spent so much time focused on my "dreams" and how scared I am to pursue them that I've neglected to secure an alternative that will bring me just as much satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But this trip has made me feel unsure of my desire to stay where I am indefinitely.
I find myself endlessly amazed at how things change but more importantly, how quickly change can shift perspectives. I used to think that contentment was coming in waves; first with my car and soon with the move to Tina's house. Although I still find that to be true, I suddenly have this sense of fearlessness and curiosity that has completely caught me off guard. I'm tired of letting my life pass me by, tired of trying to be what everyone else wants me to be and when I fail, feeling awful about myself for it. I'm done with the feelings of inadequacy and foolishness, hoping that someone will see past my insecurity to the heart of who I am and accept me for me. This is my time to take chances, learn from my mistakes and create the life I want to live. Some people have been so blessed to have found happiness without having to hunt it down but in my case, I'm ready to fight for it.
