Wow...it's been nearly a year since my last post. I wish I could say that my inspiration was unwavering but honestly, I'm feeling pretty defeated. It's nobody's fault but mine, of course, but it still leaves me tired and disappointed. I am my own worst enemy and once again, I'm drowning in a sea of my own bad decisions. My impulsiveness has become a weight on my shoulders and it's pulling me straight to the bottom.
I am not without the deepest gratitude for the blessings in my life. I have friends and family that love me, a job that pays me well, a happy home, a working car, and a body that hasn't given up on me, despite my constant neglect. It's not for lack of desire to improve the quality of my life but rather the lack of will and discipline to overcome my weaknesses.
Today, I prayed for the first time in what felt like years. I practically sobbed while confessing how much I have failed, how foolish I have been and how sorry I was for not being the best version of myself. I begged for the strength and guidance to fix what has broken in my life. I pleaded for a clean slate.
I don't know if my prayer will be answered and I really don't know if I will ever have the perseverance to make the right decisions that are in my best interest. All I can do is hope for the gift of a fresh start, the intuition to recognize it and the humility to appreciate it.
